I learnt a big lesson about pain and suffering this week. Pain - both physical and emotional - is unavoidable in life, because we have a body. Emotional pain - in the form of sadness, grief, fear, anger or a messy combination of all these darker feelings - is damned uncomfortable but it’s actually nothing to be afraid of.

If you are prepared to turn towards the pain with great compassion, to explore its contours and textures, tastes and smells, its hills and valleys - what you’ll find is not more pain but more of who you really are. 

But what often happens when you’re in pain is that you start telling yourself a story about how unbearable and devastating it is, and it turns into suffering. If you get stuck in suffering you separate yourself from the pain you don’t want to feel and it doesn’t shift. You perpetuate the pain and if you’re really clever with the story, it starts to become part of your identity: “I hurt, therefore I am.”

I can talk about this with great authority because I got stuck in a suffering story for years and years. In fact, the same script hijacked me last week and it took a random (if there is such a thing as random) glance at A Course In Miracles to help me see through the story.

Since then the pain has gone. It might come back, but if it does I’ll dive into it and out the other side. I know I’m on the right track with this because of a wonderful synchronicity. In the midst of all this I received a newsletter from Robert Augustus Masters, author of the brilliant book Spiritual Bypassing. Its title: Pain Versus Suffering.

In his view, pain is just unpleasant sensation. Suffering is something we are doing with our pain. It is a choice. Suffering can be overwhelming - but it is optional. Suffering is a way of dramatising our pain, making a gripping story out of it. 

So far from bringing us closer to our pain, suffering keeps us from the naked reality of our pain: we’re too busy telling a victim story about it. As Masters says, the healing of pain is in pain itself. 

“And there, in that place of hurt, we meet not more hurt, but more us. More healing, more peace, more welcome.”

Here endeth my lesson: not in pain, but in release.

I find it fascinating that, more than 50 years after his death, Einstein is still the name we associate with genius. I’m sure this is partly because no one has disproved his theory of relativity but also because he was a very different kind of scientist to the largely reductionist types we see today. In fact, he thought of himself as religious.

Reading some of his quotes this morning I realise just how much of a spiritual person he was. He believed you could live as if nothing is a miracle or as if everything is. No prizes for guessing which he believed. Here was a man of high intellect who also valued intuition, inspiration and imagination. 

He was amazed that, with our limited perspective, we could comprehend any of the world at all and had an “attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being”. 

He also said: ”Try and penetrate with our limited means the secrets of nature and you will find that… there remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion. To that extent I am, in point of fact, religious.”

Einstein’s theories are well known and presumably understood - certainly in the scientific and academic worlds - but he also created profound philosophical meditations on the nature of life and reality. This is one of my favourite passages:

“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe’, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.

“This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.”

It’s sad that half a century later most of us are still in prison, unable to imagine the world beyond the bars of our cells. This takes me back to the haunting fact that neuroscientists are now estimating that we use only one per cent of our brains. It’s no surprise then, that we can’t have a strong grasp of what reality is “out there” because we detect such a small slice of it, rather like fish that will never know they’re in an ocean.

It’s easier perhaps to view the world like Einstein did, with a sense of awe; and to be compassionate to all living creatures, for they know little about their own existence.

I’ve had the honour of being part of three really special, authentic conversations today, and one theme that has recurred in these conversations has been that of self-acceptance.

In my experience, the path to the authentic self can only be followed by accepting all of your other selves first - the ones you identify with, the ones you reject, the ones you project and the ones you disown.

The other element of self-acceptance is compassion. There is lot of truth in the old saying that you can’t expect to be loved if you don’t love yourself. You may yearn to be completely accepted for who you are but what chance is there of this happening if you don’t accept yourself?

Lack of self-acceptance is at the root of unhappiness. When you unconditionally accept yourself as you are in this moment, without judgment or attachment, you cease fighting reality. Infuse this acceptance with compassion and you can access the power of compassionate self-acceptance.

This not the same as self-pity or resignation. Accepting yourself allows you to devote time and energy to taking positive action rather than beating yourself up. 

We often find it easier to feel compassion for another person. Our hearts respond to their pain - compassion means “to suffer with”. In these moments we realise that we are all flawed human beings and that suffering and failure are part of the human condition.

So why do we find it so hard to be compassionate towards ourselves? Why do we tell ourselves we’re a failure when we make a mistake or that we should pull ourselves together if we’re upset? We would never say that to a friend in need.

So I’ll leave you with this: honour and accept your humanity with compassion and embrace your beautiful imperfection.

This morning I experienced another serendipitous moment when I happened upon the concept of the solar feminine. I’ve been interested in mythology and astrology for years and hadn’t come across this before - after all, the sun is traditionally viewed as masculine and the moon feminine.

So what does it mean? According to a quick Google search, the solar feminine is “creative, passionate, focused, pulsating and radiant feminine energy” - the sort of energy that is fuelled by compassion and purpose and creates powerful positive change. This is the sort of energy the Dalai Lama was referring to when he said “the Western woman will save the world”.

I love this story. After all, we are still witnessing the damage done to the planet by an unfettered solar masculine (radical misuse of fire through war and the burning of fossil fuels, among other things), so perhaps it’s time to balance it out with the three Cs of solar feminine energy - creativity, collaboration, compassion.

According to cutting-edge astrologers Adam Gainsburg and Eric Francis, the Venus transit of the Sun, which takes place on June 5, is “a moment when the world will see Venus not as a bright feature of the night world, but as a celestial feature visible in the light of day”. This rare astronomical event, they say, heralds the emergence of the solar feminine.

Venus is our most recognisable symbol of feminine energy in both its light and dark forms but there were some pretty kick-ass solar goddesses in antiquity. I particularly like the Egyptian goddess Sekhmet, whose name is translated as “the powerful one” and is often depicted as a lion-headed woman with a sun disc on her head. She was associated with the fierce heat of the midday sun and like many goddesses was seen as both the giver and destroyer of life.

In her warrior mode, she went on a rampage and nearly destroyed all of humanity, but she was also a goddess of healing. Hopefully the new solar feminine won’t have quite such a lust for blood.

This is the thing, though, about solar energy as opposed to lunar: it is all about being seen in the world. So now I’m thinking about the best ways to embody this new solar feminine energy. It’s got to be time for women to shine.

Happiness. Everyone wants it. Some get it, others don’t. The Dalai Lama says it’s the main purpose of life. But what is happiness? How do you define it?

Happiness, it seems, means something different to everyone. However, we all agree that it would be a good idea to experience more of it. To me, happiness is a profound felt-sense of being at peace with myself and the world. To you, it might be a deserted tropical beach or a knickerbocker glory. 

I am drawn to Buddhist philosophy and science. I have been reading an in-depth report written by leading monk and scientist Matthieu Ricard, which has been prepared in advance of a United Nations summit on happiness and wellbeing.

He discusses the Buddhist perspective on happiness and how he views it as a way of being rather than a gift bestowed on us by good fortune. He offers the example of the Dalai Lama who, despite his profound sadness at the suffering of his fellow Tibetans, is always able to relate to a sense of equanimity and inner peace.

So happiness is a skill we can cultivate, if we are willing to change our minds and stop pinning all our hopes for happiness on the external world. Ricard says: “As influential as external conditions may be, suffering, like wellbeing, is essentially a state of mind. It is the mind that translates good and bad circumstances into happiness or misery.

“The search for happiness is not about looking at life through rose-­‐coloured glasses or blinding oneself to the pain and imperfections of the world. It is the purging of mental toxins, such as hatred and compulsive desire and, above all, of ignorance, that poison the mind.”

It’s a long report with plenty of information to digest but in essence, it’s all about cultivating compassion and altruism and moving away from self-centredness. Ricard concludes by saying: “In essence, someone who looks for happiness outside takes everything from the world and someone who cultivates happiness within has something to give to the world.”

Make your mind up to be happy by thinking of others. It’s that simple.

This month, the planet Neptune moved into the sign of Pisces, where it will stay for the next 13 years. The significance of this will not be lost on anyone who is interested in astrology - as I have been for many years.

If you are receptive to the language, astrologers have demonstrated time and again  that the movement of the outer planets affects us all, and when they change sign it heralds a shift on the collective level.

So what does Neptune moving into Pisces mean? It could manifest in any number of ways, from the highest to the lowest vibration, but most importantly, Neptune is now in the sign of its rulership, thus it is able to express itself in the most powerful way.

Neptune’s shadow can lead us into delusion, deception, drugs and depression. But on the positive side, the highest manifestation of Neptune in Pisces is all about compassion, altruism, unity and oneness - about everyone waking up and realising that we are all connected, so we’d better start pulling together

Human beings have a deep need for connection. Even the gaze of a complete stranger makes us feel more connected. When a stranger passes you by without acknowledging you, you feel more disconnected. It hurts.

Feeling connected doesn’t only make you happier, it can add years to your life. The need to belong is so strong that it may not make a difference which group you belong to as long as you do belong.

Even though there has been much jeering from the mainstream media about “virtual friends”, social media has been very effective in connecting people. But now it’s time to connect on a much deeper level than “likes” and “LOLs”.

It’s time to reach out to people in the physical world and act with compassion, especially to the needy and underprivileged. It’s time to recognise how similar we are, rather than fixating on minor differences.

Neptune in Pisces is simply a metaphor that represents a new age of compassion and understanding - no less than a spiritual renaissance. Let’s hope we make it real this time and don’t get stuck in a dream like we did in the Sixties…

Peace and love, man!

Random acts of kindness. They seem to be all over the place at the moment. You might have noticed them on the Central Line recently in the form of little red figures holding hands. They are part of Acts of Kindness, a project by artist Michael Landy that celebrates everyday generosity and compassion on the Tube.

If you have a story about an act of kindness on the Underground, you can share it on the Transport for London website. And given that travelling on said Underground is often the cause of some considerable stress to Londoners, it is heartwarming to realise just how much kindness is actually shown between fellow passengers.

My favourite story is as follows: “Moving your clothes and effects out of an ex-partner’s house always hurts. When you own a collection of 3,000 rare soul and funk records, then it’s made worse by having to deal with the logistics of dragging this ton of cherished, but obsolete vinyl with you to your new found single gloom.

“Late one Monday night, I was on the Central line, moving the final load of records across to a student digs in St Paul’s that a friend had offered. Drunk, in my cups, and miserable, I stood up to get off at St Paul’s, and the bottom of the cardboard box I was carrying collapsed, spilling 150 records all over the floor.

“In the single minute that I had as the doors were open, three people leapt up, scooped up the records with me and loaded them in my arms, enabling me to step off on to the platform. All I could manage was a mouthed ‘thanks’  to them all, before I shambled towards the escalator.

“I hope this is an opportunity to say thank you again for looking out for me. I’ve now been married to the love of my life for nine years. She even tolerates my record collection.”

This is not mere sentimental tosh  - scientific studies have revealed a strong link between random acts of kindness and overall good health, including stress reduction, inner peace and happiness.

Stress relief expert and breast cancer survivor Lauren E Miller experienced 16 rounds of chemotherapy, 12 surgeries, one year of Herceptin infusions, six weeks of daily radiation and a divorce  - all in a two-year period. What kept her going was her ability to focus on gratitude and kindness.

She says: “I started to verbalise everything that I was grateful for in my life. I learned that I cannot be depressed and grateful at the same time. As soon as I shifted my focus from the pain to being thankful for all that was working out in my life along with random acts of kindness, peace returned within my heart and the physical discomfort dissipated.”

So perhaps it’s time to stop being cynical about “do-gooders”. Do good and we all feel good.

Here’s your assignment: Over the next four days, write about your deepest emotions and thoughts about the emotional upheaval that has been influencing your life the most. In your writing, really let go and explore the event and how it has affected you. You might tie this experience to your childhood, your relationship with your parents, people you have loved or love now, or even your career. Write continuously for 20 minutes. Do not put down your pen.

Professor of psychology Dr James Pennebaker has been giving people this assignment for some 20 years now. Many of those who followed his simple instructions - especially those who have been carrying guilty secrets - have found their immune systems strengthened. Others have seen their grades improve. Sometimes entire lives have changed. Others have reported feeling happier, less anxious and less negative.

Pennebaker has also been looking at how people use language in their writing and whether certain approaches to language translate into greater benefits from writing. He is discovering some interesting patterns.

“People who are able to construct a story, to build some kind of narrative over the course of their writing seem to benefit more than those who don’t,” Pennebaker says. “In other words if, on the first day of writing, people’s stories are not very structured or coherent, but over the three or four days they are able to come up with a more structured story, they seem to benefit the most.”

He also found that participants who were able to change perspective in the course of their story made the biggest shifts.

“One day they may be talking about how they feel and how they see it,” he says, “but the next they may talk about what’s going on with others, whether it’s their family or a perpetrator or someone else. Being able to switch back and forth is a very powerful indicator of how they progress.”

Certainly one of the most cathartic things I’ve ever done is to write about life experiences that left me with an abiding sense of shame. Even though the act of writing it down meant I re-experienced the emotions as if the original incidents were happening all over again, once I had conquered my fear of exposure, I felt so much better and was able to shift my perspective to one of self-forgiveness and compassion.

Having been a writer for some 30 years now, storytelling comes naturally to me - but even if writing isn’t your forte, I can wholeheartedly recommend that you try Dr Pennebaker’s assignment. It could change your life.